also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
