What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
