Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
