I just cut my nipple shaving
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
