she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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