we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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