i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
