she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
