We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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