So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize