Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
