why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You need Xanax blowdarts
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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