remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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