reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize