I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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