Can i not drive my cunt home
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
They are going to name an STD after you.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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