I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
