When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
