someone owes me an orgasm
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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