my vag is so smooth its legendary
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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