just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
