you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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