doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
