Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
