dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize