Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
