I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
