She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We had sex on a dog bed..
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
send nudes
from the living room?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize