I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
