your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
