on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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