I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Boobs speak an international language.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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