Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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