Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
