i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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