he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
