So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
