I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
