Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
