Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
