Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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