dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
