I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I haven't been this sober since birth.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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