So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
These tits shall not be calmed
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
