so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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