I hate your face
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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