So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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