god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
