Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just invented taco cereal.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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