white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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