Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
