i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
