my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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