fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
