i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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