I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
