Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My breasts were aching with rage.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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