i need an iv and a liver transplant
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
