my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize