she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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