did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
