you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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