We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
