Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
