omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
