Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
