It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
