i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
