My first STD was from a foam party
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize