summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize