Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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