thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
