I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
