Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
