so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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