well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
