3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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