I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
