just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
