His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
