Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
