This girl is more easily done than said...
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
