White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize