dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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