What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
