I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
