He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
