God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
