I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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