I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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