It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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