his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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