...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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