capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
