Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
i out mim tonsoeep
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