She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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