You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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