I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I love having hate sex.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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