I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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