so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
