I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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