This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
